As Steve came out of his trance he wondered what had happened recently as he now had a curly twisty chocolate piece of confectionary in the place where he used to have an arm.
“Why the hell is this here” Steven said pointing to his curly chocolatey arm with his fully functioning cheesy arm.
Frank nervously replied it was the best he could do considering the circumstances.
“What were the circumstances may I ask?” asked Steven
“Well… you were missing an arm so I thought I’d make you one” answered Frank
“You havn’t really made me an arm though have you? You’ve just stuck a ridiculously shaped piece of chocolate into a gaping wound which still seems to be bleeding like a virgin”
Frank dropped his head in shame
“I’m really sorry I thought it would come in handy” Frank said worryingly
“Handy? Are you trying to be funny?” Steve questioned angrily
“Yes what did you thing?” replied Frank
“I liked the pun slightly but its been done before and you could improve your delivery I suppose” Steve advised Frank
“thanks I’ll take what you said into consideration and try to improve my work for my next stand up act” steve gratefully replied
“No proble…..Wait a minute! You distracted me why am I giving you comedy tips when I’ve got a bloody Curly Wurly for an arm!” Shouted Steve
“I think its original” replied Frank
“Hitler having one ball was original but I don’t see everyone walking round lobsided do you?” Quizzed steve
“ To be fair Hitler wasn’t a very nice man..He wasn’t a very nice half of man either …Da dum tish!” Answered Frank
“how about that? Did you like that one?” continued Frank
“Actually I didn’t think it was too good, I didn’t like the punch line. He wasn’t a very nice half of man either? It doesn’t really make sense to be honest Frank. If I was you I’d drop that from your act if you were planning on doing it” added Steven
“Thanks for being honest Steve” Frank gratefully replied.
“Its ok that’s what im here for but shall we hurry up and get the boat to Dragon Island
As Steve, Frank and Peter walked closer towards the boat hire at the end of the pier, Frank began to wonder how long it would be before Steven realised he had been distracted once again from his Curly Wurly arm. It seems it would be a fairly long time as Steve was in deep thought about Hitlers testicles.
Suddenly Frank had a gut feeling in his brain that something weird was happening.
“What the hell is going on!” Shouted Frank worryingly
Moments after he had shouted this Frank Began to grow at an alarming rate. Within Seconds he had grown at least 3 feet (36 inches not 3 foots) His fingers were no longer humorous stumps and he looked rather normal.
“Why the hell has this happened?” Frank asked rhetorically
“I don’t know do I” replied Steve
“Its rhetorical you fanny you’re not supposed to answer” Frank said
As if by magic, A magician appeared.
“Abracadabra Alakazam Why not have a perfect new arm made of ham?” The magician said mysteriously
As if my magic Steve’s curly wurly arm disapeared and a perfect new arm made of ham took its place.
“Thanks and everything” Said Steve “but its still not exactly my normal arm is it?
“Well Alakazam Doesn’t rhyme with Cheese does it” the magician correctly pointed out
“Yer I spose so but why does it have to rhyme? I thought it was just medievel witches that had to rhyme their spells? Harry Potter never rhymes anything does he?” Steve equally correct pointed out
“Yer your right Steven but I think I forgot to mention I’m The Amazing Harry! Part Time Rhyming Magician, Part Time plumber, Part time Electrician! but Harry who?” Replied the magician
“Harry Potter” Replied Steve
“Barry Dotter?” Questioned Harry
“No Harry Potter” Replied Steve more clearly
“Barry and Harry?” Questioned Harry
“Noooo Harry Potter” Replied Steve even more clearly
“Barry And Paul Chuckle?” Questioned Harry once again
“HARRY POTTER!!” Shouted Steve
“The Demographic Republic Of Horticulture
“Right… I’ll say it slowly and loudly …. Iiiiiittttttttt!” Steve Said helpfully
“To be honest I don’t understand why that would help” Harry asked confusingly
“To be honest I just did it for Comical effect but are you hard of hearing or something how the hell does Harry Potter sound like The demographic Republic of Horticulture
“I am the Amazing Harry Part Time Rhyming Magician, Part Time plumber, Part time Electrician! There is no one else in this world called Harry. So I just chose to annoy your for suggesting such a thing” Harry said proudly
“Nob!” Steve said under his breath
“Anyways sorry about that. For putting up with me I think I might help you out and give you your normal arm back.”
“Abracadarba Alakazam Give him an arm of cheese instead of that bloody ham!”
Suddenly Steve’s ham arm fell to the ground and was instantly replaced by a new cheese arm which looked like his original arm.
“OH MY GOD!” Shouted steve in sheer delight
“My work here is done” Said Harry and As if by a rubbish badly prepared and practised ‘trick’ he dissapeared in a puff of smoke.
“Well that was nice” Said Steve to Frank who was still coming to terms with his new height.
Frank knew very well why he was suddenly normal height but didn’t feel like telling Steve as he thought it would be best to keep it to himself and definitely not because I can’t be arsed writing another conversation so soon. It turns out however that because Frank was no longer a leather mining midget the not so special powers of being a leather mining midget were taken away from him by the almighty Leather mining midget, Bob. Due to this Frank was no longer a midget and now knew nothing about the art of mining leather however Frank didn’t seem to mind this as he now felt like a real boy! However not a real boy like pinocchio as Frank has never been molested by an old man called Gipetto.
Once again Steve, Peter and Frank began their seemingly endless journy towards the boat hire. After four steps they were once again distracted by something magical/weird/scary/random and something magical/weird/scary/random happened and then something else happened and then whatever it was that was magical/weird/scary/random dissapeared. (You can fill this paragraph in yourself. God imagine that! Make your own story up! What will I think of next!…)
Once again Steve, Peter and Frank made their way towards the boat hire. After 14 seconds of walking they made it. It was closed. Steve looked at the Sign. ‘No dogs except Guidedogs’. It turns out this sign was irrelevant. Steve looked at another Sign. ‘Open 10.30 – 20.30’. This sign seemed more relevant but it really wasn’t as the opening times actually refer to your slutty mothers legs and not to the time the boat hire is open. Steve looked at another sign. ‘Boat hire opening times 10.30 – 21.30’.
“What time is it now?” Steve asked Peter
“baaaaaaa” Peter replied
“Just talk you cock. Enough with the baa baa pink sheep crap.” Steve said
“according to the watch on my right front leg its half past pineapple, according to the watch on my left front leg its gertrude and a pint glass to geography, according to the watch on my right back leg its quarter past the 19th century and according to the watch on my left back leg its time for some Bam! Who needs separate butter and jam? When you can have bam! Its butter AND jam!”
“Bloody turkish with their fancy crap watches!” Steve announced angrilly
“looks like we’ll just have to wait here till someone turns up” Frank said
And with that said Frank Steve and Peter prepared themselves for a long wait.
