As Steven, Peter, and Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank and Frank made their way towards the boat hire at the end of the harbour Steve noticed a shooting star flying above his head. However this was the day time so how would he be able to see a shooting star ? As Steve looked closer he realised it was the truck driver who was now on fire and flying through the air. As he looked even closer he saw a sign attached to his leg which read ‘I love gays they are lovely people’. Steve thought for a while and then questioned himself about why he was thinking about the terrible treatment of Afghan prisoners by British troops. Steve then laughed to himself as he remembered Afghanistan isnt a real country as it was just made up so that the army could protend they were doing something when actually there all outside chasing gypsy’s and everyone loves a good gypsy beating, so once again steve laughed but this time his laugh was louder and his penis was more erect which came to the attention of a nearby sailor.
“How much for sucky sucky ?” asked the sailor to a deeply aroused steven
“I’m sorry could you rephrase that? Questioned steven
“Of course I can” I replied
“Not you, you faggot! The sailor, why would I ask you to rephrase something you’re the one writing the bloody story” steve shouted angrily
Suddenly I decided that I didn’t like steve’s attitude towards me so I decided in this part of the story Steve will get raped.
“YOUR MINE !” screamed the sailor as he lunged towards a less erect steven
“I’m sorry could you rephrase that?” asked Steve obviously distraught at what seemed to be happening
“I was just commenting on how I am going to take advantage and have non consensual sex with you and you have no choice in this matter” replied the sailor
“well at least I know whats going on now thank vishnu for well spoken sailors” cried steven as he became closer and closer to losing his dignity.
As the time passed Steve’s screams became quiter, The sailor’s breathing became deeper, the 10 franks vigorous masturbating became more and more half hearted and peters baa’s started to sound like raaawrs…. But no! Peter was at the end of the harbour chewing on a dead seagulls surprisingly large penis so what was making the lion noises?
It couldn’t be could it ?
Could it be ?
It bloody was!
It was a great big bloody lion !
After a moments hesitation, The lion lunged at the sailor and completely ripped his stupid rapey face off. Steve took a chance but unfortunately he had to pay a £100 doctors fee.
“Damn” cried steven
“I should of gone for the Community Chest”
Steve decided to take another Chance to get out of this sticky situation he was in
“YES!” screamed steven in sheer delight
“I’ve won second prize in a beauty contest collect £10”
“This is one of the happiest moments of my life” exclaimed steven.
Worryingly this was only a matter of seconds after he’d been horribly raped but im not one to dwell on these things.
Steve decided to take another chance which was related to the scary situation he was in and he pushed the sailor closer towards the lion and made a run for it. Unfortunately for steve his anus hadnt recovered in time to do some running so he collapsed on the floor in a pile of cheesyness.
As the lion became bored of the now drastically disfigured sailor he edged closer towards the shaking yellow mess on the floor. The lion got closer and closer untill steve could feel his warm bloody thirsty breath on the back of his neck, Steve then wondered how he had managed to breathe onto his own neck and why it was so blood thirsty. He then decided he should concentrate on the situation in hand and became gradually more terrified as he felt the lion’s beer thirsty breath on the back of his ear. Steve shuddered.
“I’m too cheesy to die!” Shouted Steve
The lion’s tremendous mouth began to open, and his gillete mach 3 turbo sharp teeth glistened in the sunlight.
All of a sudden steve remembered something.
“the paper bag full of evil tramp germs! Of course!”
Without thinking thrice steve shoved the bag of tramp germs into the lions mouth.
Obviously this would of done nothing anywhere else
But tramp germs mixed with see air that’s a whole different thing, and within the amount of time it took to write this sentence the Lions head had exploded and was now splattered around the harbour.
“Well…Thanks for the help” steve said sarcastically towards the 10 Franks
“To be honest we wanted you to die” said one of the Franks
“yes that’s true” said another Frank
“I agree” said another Frank
“As do I” said another Frank
“one also agrees” said another Frank
“To be honest I just wanted you to be seriously injured” commented another Frank
“yes that’s true” said another Frank
“ I agree” said another Frank
“As do I” said another Frank
“Well I Don’t I love you Steve!” said Frank
The other 9 Franks gave the cheese-loving Frank a dirty look. They then wrote a letter to the cheese-loving Frank discussing the view they have now taken on Steve and the backstabbing Frank. They concluded by calling Frank the Big C word. However this didn’t really bother Frank as he didn’t find Cancer to be too offending. However while where on the subject of cancer if you ever meet it in a dark alley, do not prod it and call it Horatio Gonzalez. Just don’t…. Also, never buy a dog that meows, its most likely just a big cat.
As the 9 Franks waited around angrilly they decided that the best thing to do was to take action and seek their revenge for the horrible way Steven had spoke to them earlier. They began tap dancing and mesmerised Steven into a confused state of mind. They then stopped tap dancing because they fell off and landed in the giant sink beneath them. Eventually they clambered out and began taking advantage of the still confused Steve. They drew a comedy moustache on him so he looked like a 1930’s Italian, began cutting his hair so he looked like a modern yellow cartoon character who is well known for his laziness and works at a nuclear power plant however they finally went one step too far when they cut off Steve’s arm so he resembled Vice-Admiral Horatio Nelson, 1st Viscount Nelson, 1st Duke of Bronte, K the British flag officer famous for his participation in the Napoleonic Wars. Who served in the Royal Navy for most of his life and won a number of significant victories, most notably at the Battle of Trafalgar in 1805, during which he lost his life.
By this time the other Frank had literally turned his white underpants into sticky brown pants, he then stopped painting them in brown paint put them back on and then took a big poo in them, as he was so scared of what the 9 Franks would now do to him.
The 9 Franks looked over at the other Frank and in their native language of english they collectively said
“Were dissapointed in you frank you have broken the first rule of fightclub. Do not talk about fightclub. You have also broken the sacred code of the leather mining midgets always stick by the other midgets side. For this breach of the rules we are afraid you can no longer be considered a leather mining midget but go on, live your life to the fullest and have fun with that stinking piece of 1 armed cheese you call steve. We are sympathetic towards you but you have made your decision. You will always be considered a friend and you will be in our hearts,thoughts and prayers forever. Goodbye Frank. Hopefully im sure we’ll cross paths again oneday.”
And with that heartbreaking goodbye the 9 Franks turned around and headed back to their homes.
Frank laughed at how awesomely gay the speech was by the 9 Franks.
He replied with an equally lovely goodbye to the 9 Franks
“In the nicest of possible ways I hope you all get axed to death for your spare change by a flea ridden crack head”
Unfortunately by this point the 9 other Franks were at least a mile away as it had taken at least an hour for Frank to think of that amazing comeback.
Frank dropped his head ridden with guilt and saddened to his very core. He turned around and walked towards Steve offering help and digestive biscuits.
